Thursday March 12, 2020
Psalm 26:2-3 “Test me, O Lord, and try me, examine my heart and mind; for your love is ever before me, and I walk continually in your truth.”
Tests have always scared me.
Such pressure…black and white, yes and no, pass or fail. No wiggle room or negotiation. When I was in school I did better in English and geography, poorly in maths and sciences.
I wasn’t the smartest kid, in fact in grade 6 I had a teacher put all the smart kids right at the front of the room close to her and all the rest of us were relegated to the back rows. Guess where I was? Last row, closest to the door. Although I rarely think of that event specifically, the feeling it gave me became a seed imbedded in my heart that’s been hard to root out.
You’re dumb. You don’t deserve to be with the smart kids, who do you think you are?
So when I read this verse, at first it terrifies me.
David asks the Lord to test him? The Lord?? Have mercy.
Why ask this to an all-knowing God? Why expose his heart when he is already intimately known? There is no hiding from the Lord, there’s nothing he doesn’t understand about David.
The human condition is in plain view to God in fact he knows me better than I know myself. So why does David ask for something that will undoubtably be painful?
The same reason that floods my heart this morning as I read this verse…
light
So that there will be light in the darkness of my heart.
The seeds of deception that Satan has planted in my life thrive in darkness. They grow and spread and choke the life out of everything as long as they remain in a place I can’t quite identify.
I love the Lord and he already has free reign in my life, so why ask him to examine me so closely? Is it for him or me?
light
When I allow the Lord to test me and try me I’m actually saying that I want him to bring the seeds of failure, hardship, anxiety, hopelessness, unworthiness etc. out into the open so we can look at them together and name them under the truth of his light.
I’m agreeing to the weighing of my heart and mind against his scales to see what is allowed to stay and what needs to go.
love
Every test has an answer sheet that all other tests are marked against, it’s called the key. When the Lord tests me his key is always love.
David isn’t afraid to ask the Lord to closely examine his life because the love of the Lord is always front and center. It’s what everything else will be measured against.
His love is always in front of me, I see it every day, it surrounds me and goes before me.
truth
David goes on to say that he has made a choice to conduct his life in alignment with God’s truth.
He doesn’t turn away at the first sign of hardship. He doesn’t fear the exposure of his heart. He doesn’t shy away from taking responsibility for the state of his heart and mind.
I realize that if I say I love the Lord and serve him, which I do, then I accept his truth as my own. I must accept the word as he spoke it, the promises as he made them. That he loves me and wants only the best for me.
key
The key is that this test is for me. The key is that it’s always about love being the benchmark for change.
An exam in school did two things: identified areas of knowledge and strength and identified areas of weakness and a lack of understanding. This testing from the Lord does the same.
The truths I understand are reinforced. The truths I’m not so sure about need more work.
Tests in life come in various forms…sickness, poverty, wealth, anxiety. Situations between family members, maybe work difficulties, personality differences you find with those you know.
All these things will trigger responses and those responses are my test.
The effect life has on my heart and mind is what the Lord is examining and weighing against the scales of his love and the full life he wants for me.
Lord, I pray today like David did that you would test me and try me. Examine my heart and mind so that I am aware of the areas in my life that have been sewn in darkness and don’t line up with your truth.
Help me Lord to be aware when the tests come that you are exposing my motives and attitudes because you love me too much to let me remain in my sin. Give me the courage to confront and take responsibility for my shortcomings. Thank you that the testing is never about punishment, it’s always about restoration.
reflect…
1. What has kept you from letting the Lord examine your heart and mind?
2. Will you be able to look at testing a little differently after reading this verse in light of the Lord’s great love for you?
3. When you are tested, what will your response be to the Lord?