Sunday January 12, 2020
I’ll admit I have triggers. Things that set me off and wreck whole portions of the day. I’ve tried, with the help of the Holy Spirit, to tackle these things to the ground and gain control over them but they’re wily and sneaky.
They always seem to catch me unawares. Like I’m looking the other way and all of a sudden they smack me so hard my eyes water.
Sunday’s can be especially hard. I’m headed for holy, my heart is ready and open for light but somehow it leaves me vulnerable. I shatter easily. I bruise quickly. Lovely to ugly only takes a second.
The root…
pride
unmet expectations
fear
insecurity
The result…
anger
Psalms 4 was my reading today and verse 4 says,
“In your anger do not sin,
when you are on your beds
search your hearts and be silent.”
Give anger the silent treatment.
This is weird advice when I absorb messaging from the world that tells me it’s okay to vent. Sputter. Spew. Throw Up Verbally. It’s My Right.
Interesting that the verse doesn’t tell me NOT to be angry, instead when angry, I’m NOT to sin!
What am I to do with my anger then? Control the response. And if I’ve struggled with it all day, you better believe I’ll be dealing with it when I go to bed.
I’m thankful for the loving disturbance of insomnia when something is festering in my soul. Jesus has my full attention. The rhythmic sound of hubs breathing beside me reminds me that it’s just the Lord and I, and it’s time to figure this thing out.
search my heart
I am instructed to search my own heart. Unpeel the layers of protection I’ve placed around my anger and ask myself tough questions. Why did this bother me? What triggered it? Why did I respond the way I did? How should I have responded? If I had acted in love, how could this situation have turned out differently? Am I less guilty than the other party? Do I deserve to be forgiven? Do I want forgiveness when I’ve messed up?
be silent
The command to be silent forces me to sit in a puddle of my own unworthiness. There’s no debate. There’s no last word wins the argument. Instead, the silence forces me to acknowledge my own short-comings, my unnecessary reaction, my unloving response, my definitely-not-better-than-anyone-else self.
Like fog parting, all of a sudden my motives become crystal clear and He calls me out for putting my faith and trust in anything other than himself. I am reminded of the great debt I owe the Lord and how I can never repay it.
Silence, for some odd reason is exceptionally bold. It asks me to forgive. Deep and private, silence speaks to the parts of me that are well hidden and the most vulnerable.
Lord, I need to hear your voice. Help me not to pile sin onto my anger, instead give me the courage to search my own heart and root out stubborn issues that cause me to react poorly when triggered. Teach me the art of silence, the beauty of quiet reflection, the peace that comes from leaning on you.
reflect…
- Identify some common triggers you have
- Anger is a human condition, how will you control your response to it?
- How has your anger affected your relationships? Will you be bold enough to forgive?