A Secret Seduction

Matthew 5:16 “In the same way let your light shine before others that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”

Catching someone in the act of gossiping about us stings. I mean, we’re not naïve right? We know not everyone in the world likes us. We accept it because it feels fuzzy and manageable. But hearing your name whispered by a group of people huddled together is concrete and devastating.

We’ve all dealt with it.

You see an email you weren’t supposed to. You overhear a whispered conversation. You walk into a room or down a hall and everyone stops talking at once.

How does it make you feel?

Personally? I feel angry and defensive, sometimes I want to retaliate. But it also makes me feel really lonely and sad. The fall-out is like a virus-infected computer…everything is tainted. You no longer trust anyone in that environment.

It shouldn’t be surprising that the Bible talks so much about gossip because of the damage it does to us and our relationships. Get out your Bible and look up a few verses:

Proverbs 10:19

Proverbs 11:13

Proverbs 16:28

James 1:26

James 4:11

Proverbs 18:8

Romans 1:29-32

Gossip is a seductress. It hits all the buttons. It’s the adrenaline rush, the desire to know things we shouldn’t, the mystery and secrecy, the power over someone by knowing those secrets, being part of a crowd of insiders, feeling like we belong, feeling needed, being the hub of the office or the power broker at church.

Yah, it hits all the right spots. All the ugly spots that the Lord wants me to deal with!

You may be thinking that you only talk about people because you care…so let’s take a look at the difference between gossip and true concern and then gauge our hearts.

IDENTIFYING GOSSIP

• Always has a negative slant even though it is cloaked in “care” for the person
• One-sided
• Mean spirited
• Has the intent to harm in some way by passing along privileged, private information to someone who was not trusted with that information to begin with…ouch
• Two-faced, if they’re talking TO you about someone, they are talking ABOUT you to someone
• Perverted pleasure in being able to hurt someone
• Enjoys hearing or passing along information that exposes someone’s faults or sin

IDENTIFYING TRUE CONCERN

• Positive
• Desire to build up
• Everyone gets included in the conversation or if someone is absent, speaking in a way that would encourage them if they overheard it
• Love based
• Solution focused
• Always helpful and kind
• Encouraging & merciful, full of grace

No wonder scripture states boldly that our words have power. You can either shatter a persons life with gossip or fill them with hope through encouragement.

Our words expose the truth of our hearts to those listening. James says in 1:26 “If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.”

Wow.

All of our Christian posturing means nothing if we can’t control our tongues. All of our church attendance and tithing don’t hold up, all of our volunteering and mentoring are dust if our hearts are not filled with love towards each other.

So let’s get practical about how to deal with gossip.

If someone is gossiping TO you:

• Don’t engage: change the subject or walk away at first opportunity
• Ask why you have been included or involved in the issue
• Return a positive for every negative you hear
• Make clear that you have nothing to add to the conversation
• Don’t add your own grievances
• Don’t make comments that encourage further dialogue

If someone is gossiping ABOUT you:

• Cool your jets, 2 Timothy 3:12 says “In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted.” Gossip is a form of persecution and I’m so thankful the Lord forewarns us so we can prepare ourselves to respond the way he wants us to
• Look for truth, give yourself some time to gain perspective on the situation
• Turn the other cheek, don’t look for opportunities to get even
• Find ways to do good things to the person who is gossiping about you (it’s Biblical lol)
• If you have the chance for a one-on-one conversation to clear the air do it but only if your heart is right and you want to move the relationship forward, otherwise wait
• Give the benefit of the doubt by assuming you don’t have all the information, things might be different than what they seem initially

Matthew 5:16 says that our actions are really important and they become especially important when we’ve been hurt. We might want to fight back, but instead let’s let our good deeds speak for themselves. No gathering our troops or circling the wagons. DO GOOD THINGS to the very people who are attacking us.

I know you’re wondering why not fight back?! Everyone else does!

Well, let’s look at 1 Timothy 4:12. Paul is encouraging Timothy not to let anyone put him down because he’s young but to live his life as an example to others in the following 5 ways:

Speech: the way he talks to everyone

Life: the path his life leads and the way he lives it

Love: his life will be marked by love for others, including those who don’t love him

Faith: he must live in an active state of trusting in the Lord

Purity: he must not get caught up in the world or its sinful desires

This is for us!!. These are the very tools God gives us as practical ways to show and tell people we love the Lord.

That’s our purpose right? To show the world there is a better way and it’s called Jesus.

I guess the reason this hit home for me was that I found out someone was gossiping about me recently.

It hurt.

After cooling my jets guess what happened? I was convicted realizing there have been times I’ve done the whispering; I’ve been the one saying unkind things. The Lord must have been so sad to hear me speak that way about a beloved child of his.

1 John 4:7 says “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.”

This is a good reminder today that God loves us and he asks us to love each other in the same way by simply following his example.

 be kind to the unkind

be thoughtful to the thoughtless

be loving to the troubled

be respectful to the disrespectful

be gracious to the demanding

I challenge you not to let any unkind talk come out of your mouth, instead speak words of life to each other, build each other up and encourage each other.