Wednesday May 13, 2020
She scaled to the very top of the climbing wall all by her 2-year-old-self.
Such calm assurance in her own abilities. Sure she struggled in a couple spots but called out “Nana, help me!” and I quickly showed her where her next foot hold was. She slipped one time but caught herself quickly and let me know “I’m okay Nana.”
A few moments after conquering the climbing wall, a whack on the head from a plastic shovel by her sister and she plummeted from glory to tears and a loud “I am NOT okay Nana!”
Raw authenticity. I am okay Nana and I am not okay Nana. Profound…intuitively understood ~ I am who I am and I’m not afraid of being either okay or not okay, I embrace both.
Are you okay? Not okay? Both? Are you struggling?
Interesting that we can be doing really well in some areas and not so good in others. My earlier post My Personal Covid Life Lessons during this self-isolation failed to include a big one…managing the expectations of others.
Can we just talk straight? You won’t be able to meet everyone’s expectations. I want to be clear that I’m talking about unrealistic expectations…one’s placed on you beyond your control. You may get the distinct feeling that you haven’t lived up to what someone thought you should be. You’ve fallen short.
Very, very short and in my case 5′ 1″ short haha
You’re going to feel like a bad person. You are NOT going to be okay.
We’ve all faced this and maybe we haven’t done such a good job of understanding it. We rush head-long into a bowl of ice cream (if you’re me) or a 10 mile run (if you’re into that) or calling someone to vent (because we’ve all done that). It can be hard to separate the emotional response from reality.
Rather than pretend we’re okay let’s slow down, willingly embrace hard things so that we can understand where they’re coming from and then proceed to deal with them. Unpacking the emotion diffuses the power it holds over us and helps us learn from it rather than be controlled by it.
I don’t know, maybe being less busy these days allows me to listen to my heart. I think it’s telling me to stop and I want to tell you to stop as well.
Stop pretending and start being. Stop focusing on what you’re not, and start valuing who you are. Stop feeling bad for who you were created to be and start embracing yourself!
You and me, we’ve always never been enough for some…
never pretty enough
never skinny enough
never quiet enough
never mature enough
never holy enough
never considerate enough
never smart enough
never kind enough
never self-aware enough
never normal enough
never good enough
never never never ever ever ever enough!
The problem is that never enough is usually holding hands with lil miss insecurity and they make quite a team.
The unrealistic expectations of others kind of feels like being slapped upside the head. Smack! Guaranteed, your fight or flight response will kick in and you’ll find yourself responding poorly in the moment.
So, count to 10 and give yourself permission to take a step back and ask…is this something I can try harder on? Is this a blind spot for me that needs work? Or, is it simply that my way is unacceptable to someone who is attempting to bend me to fit what they find more acceptable?
Next time you feel inadequate and never enough, confirm a couple of things…
- Blind spot? Then pray and ask the Lord to reveal that, and to provide you with the courage and strength to acknowledge your failing, take responsibility and work on doing better. Psalm 139:23-24 invites the Lord to test our hearts and expose hidden things that are offensive to him so that we can make them right.
- Unrealistic expectations? Shake it off. Psalm 139:13-14 tells us that there is purpose to the design God used to create us and so trying to be someone else disrespects God’s plan and purpose that we were specifically created for.
Please don’t buy into anyone else’s narrative about who you are…sift the expectation with reality and see what comes out. Don’t give anyone else the power to control you with their standard, you belong to the Lord and he has made it perfectly clear in scripture how much you are loved and cherished, special and very unique. Can I get you to read the entire chapter of Psalms 139? It will really encourage your heart, I promise!
The deal with unrealistic expectations is that there is a huge amount of pressure to perform to a level/bar/standard that you had no input in setting. It’s the other person’s standard but they want you to contort yourself into it so they feel safe and less threatened.
The deal with freedom is evaluating yourself against the level/bar/standard of the Lord and who he has created you to be. It’s his benchmark and it goes hand-in-hand with his plan and purpose for your life.
I want to be perfectly clear that love is always the gold standard.
Accepting ourselves fully doesn’t give us permission to wag our fingers and get sassy about how everybody has to just accept us for who we are. That would be contrary to scripture.
Romans 12:3 reminds us “For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgement, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.”
We need to understand ourselves, accepting what we are (using sober judgement), and not letting ourselves off the hook for unhealthy and ungodly things in our lives. We need to face our shortcomings with the humility of a servant and with the obedience befitting a child of God.
Accepting ourselves lets us love the quirky pieces that God placed within us knowing that even though they are not everyone’s cup of tea, they are there on purpose so that we can accomplish the will of the Father.
Let’s treat each other with the kindness. Let’s love each other, embracing differences as the evidence of a wondrous and creative God. Let’s be careful not to place unrealistic expectations on each other that are burdensome and unkind; instead let’s look for opportunities to celebrate the unique ways God has designed us.
And above all, I want you to love and accept yourself. You are full of divine purpose. Ephesians 2:10 “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”